Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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