I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
