Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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