i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
