can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
