I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
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