roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
This toilet bowl is my home.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
