Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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