I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
