it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Randomize
