He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
We got so high we made milksteak
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
