Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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