so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
