I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize