Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
