he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
