I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
