you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
