2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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