Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize