She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
