Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
