just tell him i said nine months
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
No stitches, just platelets and will power
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
