i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize