ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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