If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
