dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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