The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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