Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
