don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
