I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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