Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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