never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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