Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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