Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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