Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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