my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
