And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize