The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize