Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
