His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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