lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
