She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
