Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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