tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
