I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
