i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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