If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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