I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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