I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
