it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
