would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize