ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
