they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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