GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
