It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
accomplished twins. life is a go
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
