so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
