Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
