i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize