Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Randomize
