I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
