I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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