he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
