Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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