Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
