"it" just moved
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
We got so high we made milksteak
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
