I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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