At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize