dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize
