you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
